I don't follow. [ Steve says carefully. He is trying not to get ahead of himself, but none of what Tony just told him sounds reassuring. Consent is consent, the way he sees it. Either both parties agree, or they don't. That Tony might have had reservations, that he did this against his better judgment, that's pretty much the worst case scenario as far as Steve is concerned. ]
[Okay, Stark, pull it together. He closes his eyes for a moment and concentrates on Steve's fingers rubbing his scalp.]
Right. So, uh, sometimes I get off on being used for my partner's pleasure. [Which isn't the whole thing, but it's about as much as Tony can manage to explain right now.] I didn't expect you to fuck my mouth the way you did, and it-
[Damn, it's really hard to explain things in a way someone like Steve can understand.]
It sent me under, so to speak. Just a little bit, knew I couldn't let myself go too far. But you're supposed to talk about things first, make sure both parties consent.
[ Barely-contained anxious tension melts from Steve's shoulders as Tony explains. Not that he understands completely, at least not yet, but his concern that Tony wasn't all-in is put to rest when Tony admits what gets him off. Steve has no hope of hiding what it does to him when the feeling shoots straight to his dick, stiffening with the beginnings of another erection.
Images of him fucking Tony again, of how sweet and desperate Tony would look, giving it up and letting Steve use him like that, flash through his mind before he can tell himself to get it together. But in reality, Tony is still trembling and there has to be something Steve can do about it. ]
What usually helps, when you're under like this?
[ Yes, he is hoping they can both just agree to ignore his dick right now. ]
[Of course Steve is being a gentleman about it. No, not just a gentleman, but a genuinely caring person, which is even worse. Good for Tony right now, but very, very bad in the long term.]
This isn't too bad, so...just keep touching me for a few more minutes. Basically, it fucks with your brain chemicals - feels real good during sex, but after, you drop from the high. So your partner needs to know about it in advance so they can take care of you. Blankets are good - you're doing well enough on your own right now - making sure they're hydrated, usually something to boost their blood sugar and get some calories into their system. Stick with them and be present. [In fact, Tony's shaking has almost stopped now, and his sentences are a lot more coherent. But he also wants Steve to keep petting his head.]
For the record- [Because Tony is definitely not ignoring Steve's dick right now.] When I say used, I don't mean in the...degraded and humiliated way. Some people get off on that, I absolutely don't. [He's had to put up with more than enough of that in his life as it is.] I'm more of the petting and encouraging type, big shock. Tell me how good I am, how pretty my lips look wrapped around your dick, that kind of thing.
Note taken. [ Steve nods sharply and tries very hard not to think about how pretty Tony's lips did look around his dick. His erection does not need the encouragement. ]
So it's like a crash? [ The concept is familiar enough once Tony spells it out for him. His equilibrium was always out of whack before the serum.
Steve drops his head to rest against Tony's chest; if a human blanket is what Tony needs, he can do that. ]
Yeah, exactly. The common term for it is subdrop. [And oh boy, he's probably opening a can of worms if Steve googles that, but that's kind of how Tony's life is.] It's not something that I want every single time I have sex, I just kinda stumbled into it this time.
[Tony doesn't even try to hide the dreamy smile on his face, and now he's the one petting Steve's hair lightly. It's probably a little too affectionate for what they'd agreed on, but what the hell. His system is evening out, and now he's settling into a more even-kiltered cuddly mood - probably also not what Steve expected from him, but in a different way.]
[ It may not be what Steve expected from Tony, but it isn't unwelcome at all. What they're doing now, just laying here together, somehow comes closer than the actual sex to that nebulous emotional connection Steve was after. Not that no one has ever wanted to cuddle afterwards, but it never felt this... good. That's as best as he can describe how he's feeling: warm and relaxed and just all around good.
He hums contentedly and leans his head into Tony's touch. ] We'll plan it better next time. If you want that, I mean.
[Well. Tony probably shouldn't be talking about that right now, since he can feel Steve's half-hard dick, and Tony's spirit might be willing, but he's also emotionally drained from his drop, as small as it was.]
And if you want to practice your photography some more, I won't say no to that, either.
[Oh god, please let Steve send him more dick pics.]
[ Steve is both grateful and disappointed when Tony cuts himself off. Mostly grateful. He doesn't feel like getting up to go jerk off in the bathroom just because his dick can't take the hint that they're done. ]
Fine, but you have to reciprocate. [ Sure, there are pictures of Tony on the internet— or at least, that's what Steve has heard. Out of respect for Tony, he has never gone looking for them. But if Tony takes a picture meant for him, that's entirely different. ]
[In fact, Tony might just treat Steve to a play-by-play over the phone. Not that he's going to mention that.]
Are we going to make appointments for this kind of thing? Should I start booking you in around meetings and training sessions? Because, actually, I could use you as an excuse to get out of some board meetings. 'Oh, sorry, I've got a private consultation scheduled.'
Private consultation sounds like a doctor's appointment, [ Steve says with a frown. He lifts his head slightly to raise an inquisitive brow at Tony. ] Anyway, I would've guessed you'd prefer some spontaneity.
You're so corny. [ Steve groans— or at least, that's his intent. The words come out sounding more endeared than annoyed, and that errs too close for comfort to Steve's true feelings. ]
Well, for starters, I don't need a schedule. And this will probably go better if you just tell me what works for you instead of guessing what I want.
[Oh no, Steve's tone of voice. This is serious trouble. Tony's already starting to regret his offer of sex with just a little bit of emotion, because, shockingly, he already has way too many emotions. Definitely too many to blame on subdrop making him seek some kind of connection with the person who put him there.]
I offered to talk it out beforehand, you know. I distinctly remember that. I can get my phone and show you the texts.
[Tony's just giving him shit, really. He doesn't care; he might not be as easy to please as Steve, but he's still incredibly easy.]
Anyway, if I tell you what works for me, you'll just end up horny again, and I'm too comfortable right now. Why is it all on me when you're clearly the one with specific sex requirements?
We don't have to table it. Just— [ Steve cuts off as he focuses on the delicate act of pulling out without disturbing Tony too much. He holds up an index finger in lieu of asking Tony to give him a second, and then he rolls off the bed, heading for the bathroom. He returns with a damp cloth and settles next to Tony on the bed, wiping gently across Tony's chest with the cloth as he picks up where he left off. ] Okay, now we can have that talk and you don't have to worry how it'll affect me. I've lived with a super soldier libido for years, I can handle a stray erection.
[Tony can't help being easily distracted, especially when the subject of said distraction is Steve sex.]
Okay, forget your singular requirement, what do you want? None of that 'I just wanna have moderately emotional sex' crap. There has to be at least one specific thing that gets your engine going.
I liked— [ Steve, now blushing uncontrollably, drags a hand down his face as he tries to get it out. It feels too intimate to say out loud, which is stupid when they've already gotten far more intimate than mere words. ] I liked taking care of you. Not that I did much, but... it felt good.
I'm trying! What do you want me to say? That I want you to put on the suit and fuck me against a wall?
[ If that was oddly specific, well. It may just bear some resemblance to Steve's fantasies. But that's what Tony was pushing him toward, so he tries not to wish for the earth to open up and swallow him whole. ]
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Right. So, uh, sometimes I get off on being used for my partner's pleasure. [Which isn't the whole thing, but it's about as much as Tony can manage to explain right now.] I didn't expect you to fuck my mouth the way you did, and it-
[Damn, it's really hard to explain things in a way someone like Steve can understand.]
It sent me under, so to speak. Just a little bit, knew I couldn't let myself go too far. But you're supposed to talk about things first, make sure both parties consent.
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Images of him fucking Tony again, of how sweet and desperate Tony would look, giving it up and letting Steve use him like that, flash through his mind before he can tell himself to get it together. But in reality, Tony is still trembling and there has to be something Steve can do about it. ]
What usually helps, when you're under like this?
[ Yes, he is hoping they can both just agree to ignore his dick right now. ]
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This isn't too bad, so...just keep touching me for a few more minutes. Basically, it fucks with your brain chemicals - feels real good during sex, but after, you drop from the high. So your partner needs to know about it in advance so they can take care of you. Blankets are good - you're doing well enough on your own right now - making sure they're hydrated, usually something to boost their blood sugar and get some calories into their system. Stick with them and be present. [In fact, Tony's shaking has almost stopped now, and his sentences are a lot more coherent. But he also wants Steve to keep petting his head.]
For the record- [Because Tony is definitely not ignoring Steve's dick right now.] When I say used, I don't mean in the...degraded and humiliated way. Some people get off on that, I absolutely don't. [He's had to put up with more than enough of that in his life as it is.] I'm more of the petting and encouraging type, big shock. Tell me how good I am, how pretty my lips look wrapped around your dick, that kind of thing.
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So it's like a crash? [ The concept is familiar enough once Tony spells it out for him. His equilibrium was always out of whack before the serum.
Steve drops his head to rest against Tony's chest; if a human blanket is what Tony needs, he can do that. ]
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[Tony doesn't even try to hide the dreamy smile on his face, and now he's the one petting Steve's hair lightly. It's probably a little too affectionate for what they'd agreed on, but what the hell. His system is evening out, and now he's settling into a more even-kiltered cuddly mood - probably also not what Steve expected from him, but in a different way.]
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He hums contentedly and leans his head into Tony's touch. ] We'll plan it better next time. If you want that, I mean.
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[Well. Tony probably shouldn't be talking about that right now, since he can feel Steve's half-hard dick, and Tony's spirit might be willing, but he's also emotionally drained from his drop, as small as it was.]
And if you want to practice your photography some more, I won't say no to that, either.
[Oh god, please let Steve send him more dick pics.]
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Fine, but you have to reciprocate. [ Sure, there are pictures of Tony on the internet— or at least, that's what Steve has heard. Out of respect for Tony, he has never gone looking for them. But if Tony takes a picture meant for him, that's entirely different. ]
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[In fact, Tony might just treat Steve to a play-by-play over the phone. Not that he's going to mention that.]
Are we going to make appointments for this kind of thing? Should I start booking you in around meetings and training sessions? Because, actually, I could use you as an excuse to get out of some board meetings. 'Oh, sorry, I've got a private consultation scheduled.'
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[Tony chuckles quietly at his own stupid joke.]
I don't mind either way, I just didn't know what you would want. There's a lot of stuff to work out here.
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Well, for starters, I don't need a schedule. And this will probably go better if you just tell me what works for you instead of guessing what I want.
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I offered to talk it out beforehand, you know. I distinctly remember that. I can get my phone and show you the texts.
[Tony's just giving him shit, really. He doesn't care; he might not be as easy to please as Steve, but he's still incredibly easy.]
Anyway, if I tell you what works for me, you'll just end up horny again, and I'm too comfortable right now. Why is it all on me when you're clearly the one with specific sex requirements?
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[ Steve will grant Tony the first part: he would get horny again, however unintentionally. That's a fair call. As for the rest... ]
I had one requirement. One. And I'll be okay if we're not looking into each others eyes, I promise.
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[A beat, and then:]
You're probably gonna get horny if you talk about what you like, too. [That one's not hard to figure out.] Might have to table this for next time.
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[Insert overly dramatic eyebrow waggle here.]
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[ Notice how that's not a no. ]
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[Tony can't help being easily distracted, especially when the subject of said distraction is
Stevesex.]Okay, forget your singular requirement, what do you want? None of that 'I just wanna have moderately emotional sex' crap. There has to be at least one specific thing that gets your engine going.
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[Tony, of course, has no such difficulty.]
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[Technically they can, but still. Tony just covers his face with a hand.]
Steve. Just be selfish for exactly once in your entire life.
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[ If that was oddly specific, well. It may just bear some resemblance to Steve's fantasies. But that's what Tony was pushing him toward, so he tries not to wish for the earth to open up and swallow him whole. ]
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