shield | open post.

[ Tony laughs it off, which is not unexpected. He seems about as comfortable with emotional honesty as Steve is— which is to say, not at all. Steve wonders if Tony's deflections have always sounded so hollow, only Steve was too wrapped up in his own bullshit to notice before.

Maybe that therapist Tony joked about would tell Steve that he barely possessed the emotional capacity to process his own turmoil, back then, and that he might consider going a little easy on himself. Which, of course, would only awaken the dreaded stubborn impulses that have always made Steve Rogers a nightmare patient.

Steve's own laugh comes out as a pathetic little chuckle; anything else would rattle his bones, all 206 of which feel sore down to the very marrow. ]

I just assumed you'd be a little more selective about who does the stroking, that's all. [ Regret slams into Steve as soon as the words are out, but they're out there now, floating in the dead silence that follows. Actually, dead silence is more descriptive of the panicked emptiness that suddenly fills Steve's head; the monitor hooked up to Steve's pulse is actually getting louder by the second.

He knows the chances of Tony letting a classic "that's what she said" moment slip by are close to none. It's a good thing that lost causes are Steve's specialty.

Steve sighs heavily, wincing. ] Yes, I heard how that came out, but before you never let me hear the end of it, consider that you kind of owe me one right now.

[ Of course, Steve doesn't really see it that way, but if his actions today earned him any good will, now's the time to cash in. ]

[Tony bites his tongue on 'that was deliberate' because, wow, getting into that is so not what he needs right now. (It was, though, and normally he'd love to give Steve shit about innuendo, but innuendo directed at him is a whole other ball game.) Instead, he raises his eyebrows.]

I would, but Rhodey's never stopped calling me Tony Stank, and that one is completely on you.

[Not that he really wants to bring up anything related to that period of their lives - it's almost certainly a bad idea - but he's running out of safe topics to talk about, assuming there were any safe topics to begin with (debatable).]

[ Steve knits his brow, a smirk tugging at his lips. ] Stank?

[ There's a story there, and yes, it presents Steve a quick escape from his unfortunate fumble, but Steve is just as intrigued as he is relieved for the save. It's not lost on Steve that Tony is volunteering something embarrassing about himself as a distraction. Steve feels uncomfortably warm as he digests that Tony trusts him enough to show even this small vulnerability. ]

Yeah, the FedEx guy read your shitty handwriting as Tony Stank, and unfortunately, Rhodey just happened to be there when he did.

[A shrug. Tony doesn't like it, but Rhodey at least only uses it in private (in spite of threats to the contrary), and usually when he's getting annoyed about Tony asking after Steve. He's had more embarrassing nicknames, anyway.

Probably.]

Come on, didn't they teach you how to write with a quill and ink pot or something? Maybe papyrus?

Stone tablet, actually. [ Steve makes a crack right back, slipping into perhaps the least charged back-and-forth he's ever had with Tony Stark. This feels easier than it has any right to, and Steve expects the other shoe will drop sooner than he'd like, but worrying himself with the inevitable requires energy he hasn't yet recovered. ]

I was the top chiseler in my class.

[ Is he using jokes to awkwardly side step the elephant in the room? Absolutely. But Tony doesn't seem any more inclined to get into the details of that FedEx package. Maybe they really can just leave it be. Maybe this is progress. ]

Like you could even pick up a mallet before the serum.

[But there's something almost affectionate about the way he teases Steve - or at least a little friendlier than his earlier anger. Something closer to the banter they'd had before everything went sideways.]

Painting on cave walls seems like it's more your style. [He bats his eyelashes at Steve.] Draw me like one of your Neanderthal girls, Rogers.

Hah! [ A bark of laughter rips out of Steve before he can catch himself. Only a handful of people would tease him about that. Years ago, Steve would have taken it like a sucker punch, especially coming from Tony, who had seen right through him from the moment they met, when he pegged the serum as the only thing making Steve special. The years since have humbled him, and his group counseling stint mellowed him (by a very narrow, relative margin, but still). Steve doesn't bristle like he would have before, and he isn't defensively committed to misunderstanding Tony.

It still ends up feeling like a sucker punch, though. Steve's laugh dissolves into a groan as his body makes him regret every individual nerve ending. A couple of minutes and some very deep breaths later, he is more or less leveled out, if a little red in the face. ]

You know you'd have to sit still for a portrait, right?

[ Of course Steve didn't make it to 2023 without seeing Titanic, but right now he's really wishing he had. Knowing exactly what Tony's referencing in this instance is a curse. ]

[That laugh actually gets something more like a genuine smile out of Tony, albeit a small one - but then Steve groans and Tony feels pain knife through his own body. He doubles over in the chair and tries to suck in a deep breath, head between his knees. He assumes the painkillers the doctors have dosed him with are wearing off, nothing more; after a few moments, the pain eases, and he's able to sit up again.]

Can't do a lot else right now. [Tony pulls a face at his own weakness; he's not as young as he used to be, and he knows from experience that he's not going to bounce back like he might have ten years ago.] But a valid point nonetheless, since I don't know how soon you'll be picking up a pencil.

[Sooner than he will, probably. The serum's like that.]

[ Steve lifts his right hand and wiggles his fingers. He still has dirt under his fingernails from digging through the rubble of their headquarters. But the main thing is: ]

Still got my drawing hand.

[ His left arm is covered in gauze from the shoulder down to his fingertips. If the angry, blistered skin around his shoulder and collarbone are any indication, it's not pretty.

The serum has never been put to the test like this, but it hasn't failed him yet. Steve is more concerned about Tony— he caught a glimpse in his periphery of Tony doubled over, but by the time Steve recovered, Tony was already upright again. ]

[More than I've got, Tony thinks, but Steve would (rightfully) point out that he's alive and he'll be able to adjust. And it's true, although Tony keeps wondering if he might be better off if they'd just amputated his hand. For all he knows, he's stuck with a useless claw - but there's no use in wallowing in self-pity. Not right now, anyway. He'll save that for when he's alone.]

Forget drawing, [he scoffs,] you'll probably be out of bed and swinging that hammer around by tomorrow afternoon.

[He almost says 'throwing your shield', but catches himself just in time. Just means he'll have to work on that prototype once he's free of the hospital.]

[ Steve glances down at the fingers of his right hand, picking at a hangnail that suddenly holds his full attention. He knows what it's supposed to mean that he could lift the hammer, but knowing is not accepting.

He tells Tony the same thing he told himself when it happened: ] You know, that was probably a fluke. I bet the hammer would've responded to anyone who stepped up to the plate to rescue Thor.

[ But it sure was a hell of a fight. Steve hasn't even begun to process everything that happened on that battlefield. He was unconscious for the aftermath.

Which reminds him: ] Is everyone... Were there any casualties?

Edited 2021-01-05 07:33 (UTC)

You just keep telling yourself that, pal.

[Tony, of course, isn't in the least bit surprised. He just wonders why it hadn't happened at the party all those years ago.]

Everyone's fine - or as fine as they can be, considering the circumstances. [He hadn't been conscious much longer than Steve after he snapped, but he's had Rhodey fill him in on everything since then.] Mostly bumps and bruises, apart from Banner's arm.

[ Steve closes his eyes and exhales, relieved. There's an ache in his heart, a space carved out by Natasha's death that won't ever heal, but it's downright miraculous that they didn't lose anyone else. She'd be proud. ]

Good.

[ It feels strange, to finally be on the other side of the snap. Believing that taking a stand together would make all the difference was the delicate flicker of hope that kept Steve going, but he only believed it because he had to. How else could he keep trudging along in the wake of his failures?

After five long and miserable years, there's a lingering fear that the rug will be pulled out from under them. He wonders if Tony feels it too. ]

So we're three for three with arm injuries, huh? Can't wait to tell Buck he ain't special.

[ Steve freezes, too late to catch himself. Shit. He and Tony were just getting along. Why would he bring up Bucky now?

He watches closely for Tony's reaction, all while doing his best to make it look like he isn't staring, a near impossible feat in such an enclosed space. ]

[Tony likes to tell himself that he's perfectly mature, that it's been seven years since they beat each other up in an abandoned missile silo in Siberia and he's come to terms with the fact that Steve lied to him and then tried to kill him to protect his best friend. (In retrospect, of course, Tony knows he shouldn't have lashed out at Barnes, but the problem is that he's only human, that the combination of grief and feeling betrayed by his best friend had left him reeling like a one-two punch.)

The reality is more complicated. Tony doesn't know how he feels about Barnes now that he's had time to consider the matter (had time to read over the HYDRA files on him, sifted out from SHIELD's data dump). But he does very much suspect that he and Steve are...involved, and that's enough to make his stomach twist in that old jealous knot he's used to. He clenches his hidden hand into a fist and immediately regrets the motion; the fingers barely move, and it still sends shooting pain up his arm and oh Jesus fuck.

He sucks in a breath of air through his teeth before he speaks again, his voice a little strained.]

He'll be the only one with vibranium, though, unless I can talk T'Challa into giving us more.

[ For all that he is hanging on Tony's next words, desperate to know that he hasn't just shattered the budding ease between the two of them, Steve ends up not hearing any of it. Stabbing pain shoots from the knuckles on his right hand all the away up to his shoulder blades. It knocks the breath out of him in a sudden huff, the pain inexplicably on par with that of his left arm, which had actual contact with the gauntlet.

Maybe referred pain packs more of a punch when the injury is gauntlet-induced. It's an unconvincing theory, but he doesn't have any others. ]

Might've spoken too soon about that drawing hand. [ He grits his teeth, waiting for the pain to stop radiating. It ebbs away little by little. ]

[Literally anything is preferable to talking about Bucky Barnes - hence Tony's attempt to quickly change the topic - but he still frowns and tilts his head.]

Still numb from chucking around lightning bolts?

[Because Tony can see the bandages from his injury on Steve's left side, and he knows full well he's right-handed. It doesn't quite add up, although that might be the lingering effects of the painkillers in his system.]

No, it's— [ Steve frowns down at his right hand, then looks over to Tony. He was prepared to dismiss it, but maybe Tony wasn't so far off. ] Actually, you might be onto something there. Maybe lightning powers come with residual side effects for us mortals.

Inasmuch as you qualify as mortal, anyway.

[Sure, there's a scientific reason why Steve survived crashing a plane into the Arctic and being frozen in a block of ice for decades, but Tony also has a few suspicions about potential side effects of the serum and its rapid cellular regeneration.

It's just a joke, though. Really.]

Electricity causes the coolest burn scars, though. I'm kinda jealous.

[...says a man who has narrowly avoided electrocution more than once in the course of his life as a mad scientist.]

[ Once upon a time, Tony's jab about Steve's mortality would have struck a nerve, more than likely escalating into yet another explosive argument. Maybe the years really have mellowed Steve, or maybe he's still a little high on success, stunned that their insane plan actually worked.

He allows for the possibility that for Tony, Steve not being wholly mortal has more to do with the highly fictionalized story of Captain America that Tony was raised on. Tony doesn't know that every time Steve watches his body improbably stitch itself back together, he worries that he'll eventually lose grip on the mortal experience and forget how it feels to be truly human.

It's an irrational fear (probably) but one that stays with him. The part where he isn't lashing out at Tony for inadvertently stepping on an emotional landmine, however, is new. Maybe they really can go up from here.

Steve finds it surprisingly easy to skip over the hurdle and move on to Tony's next line. He frowns back at Tony, an exaggerated display of skepticism. ]

I'm sure you have your fair share, the way you run around sticking your finger in electric sockets. [ It might have been a criticism, once, but now Steve's tone is fond. Maybe a little too fond for someone still trying to keep his errant feelings under wraps, but it's an improvement from where they started. ]

For science, [Tony defends himself with a grin. Maybe time apart from each other was what they'd needed - if only because now that he has Steve back, he doesn't want to risk driving him away again. But he's barely willing to admit that to himself, let alone anyone else, and definitely not Steve. Steve doesn't really need him, anyway, not now that they've brought everyone else back. Part of Tony just hopes he'll stick around.

So maybe that leads him to take a deep breath and fidget with the hem of his jacket a little.]

So. Do you think I should pick a different piece of land to rebuild?

[ Steve shakes his head a little, thinking on it. His chest deflates on a sigh. He doesn't know how to feel, not least because he has felt like a trespasser whenever he set foot on the compound within the last several years.

But it is nice of Tony to pretend he values Steve's input. Steve recognizes the olive branch for what it is, and this time, he is quick to accept.

Despite his own personal feelings, he realizes there is only one right answer. ]

No, I uh— [ He pauses to clear his throat, already feeling a lump forming. ] I think Nat would want us to stay.

Yeah, I wasn't-

[He coughs, takes a drink of water to clear his throat.]

I wasn't sure. [Tony looks away, blinking quickly for a moment.] Just didn't know if it would feel right to build there. But you're right, it's what she would have wanted.

[He glances back at Steve, tries to act casual.] I'll probably spend some time there. You know, in an advisory capacity.

[And they both know exactly how 'advisory' he'll manage to remain, but he can at least pretend for now.

[ He takes that in for a moment, nodding softly. Steve hasn't given much thought to what he'll do now, but he imagines it won't look too different from what he was doing before. Demand for counseling is likely to skyrocket, so at the very least he ought to keep the group going. He can rope Sam in, maybe even Bucky.

He sneaks a quick glance at Tony, wondering if he'd be interested. Something to consider.

As for the topic at hand... ] Advisory, huh? You handing the reins over to Rhodes? Or is Carol sticking around?

[ Natasha was responsible for keeping The Avengers running, even if she had to hold the various scattered pieces together herself. Those are big shoes to fill.

(Steve does not, for even one second, consider himself as an option. Leaders who spark insurrection in the ranks are typically disqualified from the role.) ]

[Tony just huffs, and the sound is a combination of wry and amused.] Was I ever really the leader, Steve?

[Not like they'd had a team when he was gone, after all. When it comes down to it, Steve is the Avengers in a way Tony had always hoped for, but never achieved. (He has to admit that his ego really doesn't lend itself to leadership positions.) Tony doesn't know what can be done on the legal side of things, but considering that he's just saved Earth (and the rest of the universe), getting taken off the Most Wanted list should be a given. And if it's not, there's a whole bunch of overpaid lawyers sitting around with nothing to do right now.]

Can't imagine Danvers staying here when she has a whole universe to take care of, anyway. [Plus Carol scares him a little bit.]

[ Steve meant what he said in his letter to Tony, even if there were probably several hundred better ways to say it. He sees The Avengers as a family, yes, but more so Tony's— and especially now, Natasha's— than his. Growing up, it was just him and his mom, and after she died, Steve never overcame his stubborn need to assert independence.

(Sure, he had legitimate legal concerns, and the entire accords ordeal smelled rotten from the start, but Steve knows that he could have tried harder to find common ground with Tony. He expects he'll always live with that regret.)

As for Tony's question, Steve rolls his eyes with equal parts exasperation and self-deprecation. ] I think we've established I'm not the authority on leadership that I was made out to be. You sure you don't wanna give it a shot?

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